What is my truth?
At this stage of my life, as a 17-year-old teenager, I don't know. I don't know what my truth is. I don't know what I truly want to do with my career or life. I try to pretend to know that I have a solid goal and I know the steps I've got to take to reach there. Forget knowing the steps, I'm still not sure of what I actually want. Not what my family wants, not what society expects me to want, but what I truly want.
“Do this and you will be happy for the rest of your life”- said no one ever.
I know that I shouldn't be so paranoid about it. No matter what I end up doing, happiness is not guaranteed. It is only a part of our lives, just as sadness is. No path is that much easier or harder than the other. It's how we perceive it. But shouldn't there be a purpose behind the efforts and the steps that we take? Should our actions not have some meaning behind it? Meaning that is worth thinking about, appreciating and moving on with. Won't I look at life with rose-tinted glasses if I have that purpose, that meaning, and that truth? “I am pursuing this because I want to and having this be included in my life is fascinating.”-maybe me in another universe.
This takes me back to when I was 12. I used to look at strong authentic public figures talk in interviews. They were so sure of themselves. They knew what they were talking about, what they wanted, what they liked, what was okay for them and what crossed their boundary. I thought this type of persona is something that people are born with. Either you have it, or you don't. Gradually as years went by, I found my own personality and I do love it. Obviously, I don't think that I'm perfect the way I am but I love the process of getting to know myself and build myself. These sort of small realizations that I think about from time to time reassure me that even if I don't have the big things figured out, I eventually will. Even if I make a mistake, I’ll be able to get over it and mend it in due time. And this way of thinking helps me to move on and wake up every day with hope of a better future.
(Written in 2024)