How to save someone

In a lot of moments in my life, I had no one to turn to. I felt helpless, with no choice but to endure things on my own. So somewhere along the way, I made an unspoken promise to myself: if I could, I’m always going to be there for others. Anything to reduce their pain.

Over the years, I’ve tried my best to do exactly that. And in the process, I’ve learned a few things.

I know you can’t really save anyone. At times people don’t even want to be saved. But for those who do, I’m there. For those who don’t, I’m still there to help if they ever ask for it. Sometimes when you see someone in pain, the best you can do is simply be present. Don’t say anything, no advice, no suggestions, and no funny distractions. Sometimes people don’t need solutions, they just need someone sitting quietly beside them, reminding them they’re not alone.

Other times when they are willing to talk, you listen. You let them cry, you let them ramble, you let them think out loud. And before you say anything else, you tell them: It’s going to be okay, you’re not alone, I’m here for you. Only then do you continue.

Sometimes internally, you may feel frustrated. Maybe they brought their suffering upon themselves. Maybe they ignored your advice. Maybe they walked straight into the thing you warned them about. But you don’t take it out on them in the name of “tough love.” You need to be calm and patient. Don’t make the mistake of saying “I told you so.” They are already suffering. They already know.

It’s hard to be calm. It’s hard to always know the right thing to say. I get it wrong a lot of the time too. But what usually helps is one simple question to yourself:

If I were in their place right now, what would I need to hear?

Put yourself in their shoes. What would you want to hear? What would you like for someone to do for you? Of course, everyone is different with different needs, different expectations, and different ways of coping. But almost everyone needs a shoulder to cry on and a hug from time to time. Everyone needs kindness. So give it. Put in the effort. In a world that’s becoming increasingly isolated, where people ask AI what the “right response” is instead of genuinely feeling through a moment, choose to think. Choose to care. Choose to show up for others.

This isn’t about building good karma. This isn’t about making sure that in your low times, you’ll have enough people to be there for you too. This is about living. This is about being.

You can’t really save anyone. But you can be there. You can make it all feel a little lighter. And most of the time, that matters more than fixing anything.

Some people won’t want any help, any care, or any comfort, so you leave them. That’s the best you can do for them. Unless they ask, don’t help. You don’t want to give out pity; you want to help. So it’s best to let them be.

Empathy and vulnerability aren’t weaknesses. In fact, empathy is a social and cognitive skill rather than an emotion itself: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It’s a skill, something you can work on and strengthen. A skill you have choice over. So choose. Choose to feel. Choose to live. Choose to help. You can’t really save anyone but yourself, and sometimes helping others ends up helping you in ways that may never make sense to you. I like to believe it’s because we’re all connected.