High on Depression

I look at the skies wondering why Why is it so pretty to one’s eye Is it because of the rainbow? Or is it because of the rain and the thunder? Is beauty really just pain? It just insane How something so beautiful can be saddening It’s confusing and maddening I don't know how but I’m high on depression And to get into precision It makes me feel sad yet so genuinely pretty I feel human and I don't know if that's good or something to pity Want to continue dancing while crying Want to continue to work while I just stop trying It’s wholesome though it makes me want to die It makes me want to quit as well as try Just the whole process is over my head And sometimes it makes me feel dead Makes me feel like I'm chasing someone who doesn't exist Exciting yet painful in every way, though I try to resist I don't know why or how but I’m high on depression And to get into further precision Evil but elegant, that's how it is Is it some sort of quiz? I want to end it but at the same time I feel like it’s my only purpose It makes me so nervous Yet I keep chasing and chasing and maybe I’ll reach my hot spot Or will it just lead me to do nothing but rot? I want to embrace this feeling like a loved one While I cry and tell them that they have to go since I'm really done Oh how I wish the fairies would just come already Whatever this is, it feels like it will hurt but still feels so steady? Having a hate-love relationship with this tension I don’t know how but I’m high on depression